The Myth of the Perfect Why
I used to believe that finding my “why” would save me.
Save me from burnout.
Save me from mediocrity.
Save me from the slow ache of unexpressed dreams.
But here’s the truth I learned the hard way:
Your “why” can’t save you—
but it might just set you free.
We’ve been sold a shiny promise:
Find your why, and your life will make sense.
But what happens when the search for that perfect why becomes just another hamster wheel—spiritualized hustle dressed up in soulful language?
In the personal growth world, “Find your why” has become the sacred chant. A call to action. A badge of enlightenment.
But sometimes?
It becomes another pressure.
Another mask.
Another way we betray ourselves trying to look purposeful enough.
I Wanted to Help the World. But I Also Just Wanted to Breathe.
There was a season in my life—after the fog of survival lifted—when I became obsessed with making every choice count.
I wanted my work to matter.
I wanted my presence to heal.
I wanted my story to serve.
But underneath all that good intention…
I was exhausted.
I didn’t want to save the world.
I just wanted to walk barefoot in the grass.
I wanted to hear myself think without judgment.
I wanted to live—not perform healing.
And that’s when I realized:
My why was never missing.
It was just quieter than the noise.
The Danger of a Performance-Based Purpose
Let’s get honest.
The pressure to find a higher calling can backfire.
It can lead us to over-give, overwork, over-sacrifice.
We become martyrs of meaning.
We tie our worth to a cause, a career, a contribution—when sometimes what our soul craves is stillness.
Not service.
Space.
Not striving.
Sometimes your why isn’t noble. It’s natural.
It might be as simple as “I want peace.”
“I want to be present for my children.”
“I want to wake up without dread.”
And that’s more than enough.
What If Your Why Is Wild?
What if your why is primal?
Instinctual.
Not polished for LinkedIn.
Not dressed up for a vision board.
What if your why is the ember in your gut—not the mission statement on your website?
Your why doesn’t need to save the planet.
It needs to save you from self-abandonment.
That’s where real purpose begins.
Think of it like this:
Your why isn’t a lighthouse for others—it’s a compass for you.
It doesn’t need to be bright.
Just honest.
Just true.
Something From the Garden
I think of purpose like a sunflower.
It doesn’t bloom because someone told it to.
It blooms because the sun rises, and it turns toward it.
There’s no strategic plan.
No bullet-point mission.
Just presence.
Just alignment.
Your why doesn’t have to be declared.
It has to be felt.
Ask Yourself This
- What stirs your body, not just your brain?
- When do you feel most alive, even if no one sees it?
- What if your deepest why has nothing to do with your job title or your productivity?
These aren’t rhetorical questions.
They’re invitations back to yourself.
Current Trend Watch: The Rebellion Against the Over-Perfected Why
There’s a quiet rebellion rising.
More people are walking away from hustle-based spirituality.
From curated clarity.
From the pressure to monetize every passion.
Instead, they’re leaning into soft living.
Into “unmarketable” joy.
Into intuitive alignment over industry-approved impact.
Books like “Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away” by Annie Duke and “The Good Enough Job” by Simone Stolzoff are cracking open these illusions.
You don’t have to chase a mythical calling to live meaningfully.
Quick Win: Honor One Unfiltered Desire Today
What’s one thing you’ve been craving—gently, honestly, unstrategically?
Is it rest?
Is it laughter?
Is it creative play with no purpose?
Give yourself permission.
You don’t need to earn joy through justification.
Start there.
That’s your why whispering.
And she doesn’t shout.
Final Thought
If your why has felt heavy lately, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It might just mean you’re being called back to simplicity.
Back to truth.
Back to a life that feels good from the inside out.
I’m learning to let my why evolve.
To let it be seasonal.
Sometimes it’s fire.
Sometimes it’s fog.
Sometimes it’s the soft sigh of simply being alive.
And I’m learning this too—
Purpose doesn’t always shout.
Sometimes it hums.
And that’s enough.
📚 Resources to Go Deeper:
- The Good Enough Job by Simone Stolzoff
- Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away by Annie Duke
- The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith
- Simon Sinek’s original talk: “Start With Why” (TEDx, 2009) – a good starting point, but not a final destination
